Multi-tasking

Yes, still alive, just been busy elsewhere. In the meantime, for your amusement:

Toilet Cleaning Instructions:


1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add
1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while
you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat
in the toilet and close both lids.
You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the toilet;
the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times.
This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse".

6. Have someone open the front door of your home.
Be sure that there are no people between the
bathroom and the front door!

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can,
and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom,and
run
outside, where it will dry itself off.


9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

-and-

Laws

Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

Variation Law: If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. (works every time)

Bath Theorem: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

Law of Biomechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

Theatre Rule: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

Law of Coffee: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Murphy's Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

Law of Dirty Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich of landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are.

Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.

Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.

Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.